I Drink the Crewlade

preview of a look from the J.Crew fall 2009 collection- in stores 7/28!

So my obsession with J.Crew continues. Apparently, there are a lot of people out there that are way worse than I am. I found this cute J.Crew lexicon at the Gigi Goes Shopping blog. I also found J.Crew Afficionado and J.Crewaholics. The best things about these blogs are the crewtiques and comments about J.Crew merchandise. I can't believe I'm just now finding them- would have save me hours of crewsin!

J.Crew Lexicon

B&M – brick & mortar store as opposed to online.

Crewality - The quality of certain J.Crew pieces is questionable at times. So the topic gets its own word.

Crewlade - This may be the most serious of them all. The mixer of vaporous crewlade batches is unknown. Is it the marketing & graphic design departments of J Crew? PR? FYI, inhalers rarely have control over this stuff. Do your best not to hit it too hard. It's dangerous! You usually don't come down until you get back home or the credit card bill arrives. See Crewasted."I had to do some returns the other day, and just kept whispering my breath, as I stared lustfully at the Chandelier Necklace, "Don't drink the Crewlade! Don't drink the Crewlade!" Note: Crewlade causes a temporary high, lapse in judgment and creates a kaleidoscope effect where 95% of the J.Crew merchandise looks good. When under the influence it all looks good on you. Yes, you need that atomic necklace. Isn’t it pretty? Can’t you see it with the glazed pecan cardi? Ooooohh yeaaahhh and hey…it’s on sale! Crew La Vie!

Crewasted - Totally hammered on Crewlade. The key to avoiding a hangover is to pay w/cash or debit card. Good luck to you.

Crewazy– Pretty much self explanatory but we’ll use it in a sentence: “Me no likey at all...the price is crewazy!!!!!”

Crewcandy - The little irrisistible things in the bins at the register, like bobbypins. Another way to say this is...trash and trinkets at the register. They are difficult to resist, especially when under the influence of crewlade. Dig, girl, dig. You may find something really good.

Crewel or Uncrewsual punishment - Pretty much anytime J Crew flips the script. A good example is when an item you have been stalking online suddenly sells out and you get the dreaded red message!

Crewfit - Should be clear, but here is a sentence: "What's your crewfit today?"

Crewless – When you know more about the item than the SA.

Crewlicious - As in "J Crew items are absolutely crewlicious."

Crewmorse - A feeling you have after regretting a purchase.

Crewpon – You reach into your mailbox. It’s not a flyer. It's not a bill. It's a beautiful little envelope from J Crew containing a discount coupon card. Known to cause haterade (see below) in those that don’t receive these rare, random goodies.

Crewsade - When you have to make a serious effort to search for a specific J Crew item, often further galvanized by a crewless SA or two.

Crewsewear - When you use an upcoming vacation as justification for spending way too much money at J Crew.

Crewsin - This can be a legitimately planned trip, a visit to make an exchange (yeah, right) or a drive by (you have no business being there)."I went crewsin through my local jcrew."

Crewtique - A product review. Let's use it in a sentence. "Did you see the Crewtique of the Corsage Tee on Gigi's blog?"

FS - Final Sale. Ask all the sizing questions you want. Hunt the blogs for IRL pics. Click to gamble. The idea is the sale is final and you cannot return it. J Crew is one of the few retailers still torturing customers with this practice.

J’Crewlet (Jhay-croo-lay) – J Crew Factory Store. Sounds suuuper fancy, like Tarjay. We all know the merch is hit or miss. Boo.

J'sCrewed - When you're sent the wrong item or size, or the correct item was left out of your order altogether, and when you try to place a new order for the coveted item and it's out of stock, you are... J'sCrewed.

Popback – Items on J Crew’s website that randomly show up in the sale section. You thought you missed out, but LOOK! There’s your size. Right there, right now.

Ride along – Wikipedia: "an arrangement for a civilian to spend a shift in the passenger seat of a police car, observing the work day of a police officer."Same idea, revised for retail --> An arrangement for a questionable item to spend time in the shipping box of an online order, in order to qualify for an online promo.The purchaser is most certain that she is likely return this item, only to find – upon receipt – that it is one of the best in the box.